I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
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so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize