Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dick very happy bro
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize