your parents love me but you hate me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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