I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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