i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
