If i come over, it means nothing
she looked like the before picture.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
