I accidentally had phone sex last night
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
