you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
