I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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