i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
