saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
