The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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