My sheets look like a crime scene.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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