she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
