But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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