you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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