Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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