Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
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Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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