I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
