3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
