Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
