well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
