Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
