Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
