I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
