She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
