mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Found your dick twin last night
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
