Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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