Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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