Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
