dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
