Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
