Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
