What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
did i walk over a car last night?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
