She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
