rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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