If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
