Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
