My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize