Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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