So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
