Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
