i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
