How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
