I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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