Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We are two peas in an std pod
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
