There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
