mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
