she was so not down for the gang bang
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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