so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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