fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
love makes seman taste better
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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