then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
