He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
