Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I forgot how hot balto sounded
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
