Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You just made me feel so damn special
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
