his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
